Show Up
You may not be able to make the hard thing easier. But you can make sure she doesn't have to face it alone.
During treatment, some of the things I remember most weren't things people gave me at all. They were the people who simply showed up.
They sat beside me, drove me where I needed to go, waited with me and found ways to be there even when circumstances made it difficult.
You don't have to know what to say or how to make things better. Sometimes your presence is enough.
Sometimes giving grace is simply saying, “I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere.”
Be there however you can.
When COVID restrictions meant my husband couldn't come inside with me for treatment, he found another way to be there. He parked outside the infusion center where I could see him through the window and held up a sign that said, “I can't be with you, but I'm here loving you!”
He couldn't change what I was going through, and he couldn't even sit beside me that day. But he made sure I knew I wasn't alone.
Sometimes giving grace is finding a way to show up, even when you can't physically be by her side.
Show up from wherever you are.
During treatment, one of my friends came to my house with a collection of posters made by friends who lived across the country. Each one had written their own message of love, encouragement or humor for me.
Most of them couldn't physically be there with me, but they found a way to make their presence felt from miles away.
Seeing all of those messages together was such a powerful reminder of how many people were in my corner.
Sometimes giving grace is finding a way to show up, even when you're far away.
Celebrate the milestones.
When I finished my last round of chemotherapy, my family was there to celebrate with me. After months of appointments, treatments and hard days, having people show up to mark that moment made it feel even more special.
They couldn't walk through treatment for me, but they could stand beside me when I reached an important milestone.
Sometimes giving grace is showing up for the victories too, not just the hard days.
Create a little surprise.
One day during treatment, our neighbors surprised me by filling our yard with pink balloons. Each balloon was tied to a handpainted rock with a message of encouragement for me.
I walked outside to this entire yard full of reminders that our community was thinking about me and cheering me on. It was unexpected, joyful and something I still remember years later.
Sometimes giving grace is creating a little moment of joy where she least expects to find it.
Not sure how to show up?
You don't have to make a grand gesture. Let her know she's not alone.
Be there. Sit with her at an appointment, treatment or on a hard day.
Show up from afar. Send a video, make a sign, FaceTime or find another way to remind her you're with her even when you can't physically be there.
Mark the moments. Celebrate the end of a treatment, a surgery completed, good news or another milestone along the way.
Surprise her. Leave something on her porch, decorate her yard or create a small moment of joy she isn't expecting.
Keep showing up.
Support often pours in right after a diagnosis, but breast cancer can be a long road. Put a reminder on your calendar to check in again next week, next month and after treatment ends.
Sometimes giving grace is simply continuing to be there.