Say Something
You don't need the perfect words. You just need to let her know you're there.
When I was going through treatment, the texts, cards, notes and messages people sent meant more than they probably realized. My daughters left me handwritten notes. Friends checked in on hard days. Sometimes there was nothing anyone could say to make things better, but knowing I was being thought about reminded me I wasn't walking through it alone.
Give her words for the hard days.
My daughter Korynn made me this little jar filled with notes to open at different moments during treatment, when I was feeling bad, when I was about to go to chemo, or when I was feeling sad or hopeless.
It didn't change what I was going through, but it gave me a little encouragement to reach for when I needed it most.
Sometimes giving grace is simply reminding someone of what you want her to remember on the days it's hardest to remember it herself.
Send the card.
I received so many cards throughout treatment, some heartfelt, some funny, some faith-filled, and some with just a few simple words of encouragement. Years later, I still have every one of them.
You don't have to know exactly what to say. You don't have to write something profound. Just knowing someone took the time to choose a card, write a note and send it reminded me that I was being thought of and cared for.
If you're wondering whether to send the card, send it.
Make it personal.
The most meaningful words don't have to be new. During treatment, my grandmother sent me this old sheet music for “My Bonnie,” along with a note reminding me of a memory we shared from years before. She connected something from our past with what I was walking through in that moment.
It wasn't just encouragement. It was a reminder of our history, our love and who I was beyond breast cancer.
Sometimes giving grace is reminding someone of a memory, a story or a piece of herself that cancer can't take away.
Leave a note where she'll find it.
During treatment, my daughter Korynn hid encouraging sticky notes around the house in places she knew I'd eventually find them, by the coffee maker, with my phone, near my purse. She hid enough that I kept discovering them days later, including one before chemo.
They cost almost nothing, but I still remember them years later.
Sometimes giving grace is leaving a few simple words of encouragement exactly where she might need to find them.
Want to send a card?
Generosity has a collection of greeting cards for encouragement, prayer and simply letting someone know you're thinking of her.
Every Generosity purchase supports Give Grace.
Not sure what to say?
You don't need the perfect words. Simple and sincere is enough.
Tell her you're thinking about her. “I'm thinking about you today. No need to respond. I just wanted you to know I love you.”
It's okay not to know what to say. “I don't know what to say, but I'm here, and you're not walking through this alone.”
Check in without expecting a response. A simple message can remind her she's loved without giving her another thing she needs to do.
Keep it simple. You don't need advice, answers or the perfect silver lining. Sometimes “I'm here” is enough.
Don't worry about fixing it.
There may be nothing you can say to make what she's facing better. Your job isn't to fix it. It's simply to remind her that she doesn't have to face it alone.
Sometimes giving grace starts with simply saying something.