Bring a Little Normalcy
Sometimes the kindest thing you can give her is a break from thinking about breast cancer.
When you're going through treatment, so much of life can suddenly revolve around cancer. Appointments, medications, side effects, test results and conversations about how you're feeling can take over days that used to be filled with ordinary things.
Some of the gifts I appreciated most had absolutely nothing to do with breast cancer. A good book. A game to play at home. Something that made me laugh. A little reminder of the things I enjoyed before cancer became such a big part of my life.
Sometimes giving grace is simply helping her feel like herself again.
Bring the fun to her.
During treatment, there were times when getting out and doing the things we normally enjoyed just wasn't possible. Our friends knew our family loved escape rooms, so they sent us a game we could do together at home.
It had nothing to do with breast cancer, and that was part of what made it so thoughtful. For a little while, we could just do something fun together and feel like ourselves.
Sometimes giving grace is bringing a little bit of normal life to her when she can't go out and find it herself.
Give her something to get lost in.
One of the gifts I received during treatment was a novel, The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. It wasn't about cancer, healing or treatment. It was simply a good book I could get lost in for a while.
When so much of your day can revolve around appointments, medications and how you're feeling, having something completely unrelated to cancer can be a welcome break.
Sometimes giving grace is giving her something she can enjoy simply because she enjoys it.
Remind her of the things she loves.
Our neighbors had a Boston terrier we adored and would sometimes have over at our house. When they moved away in the middle of my treatment, they sent us this Boston terrier pillow.
It was such a sweet reminder of them and of something that had brought our family joy during an otherwise difficult time. It had nothing to do with breast cancer. It was simply personal.
Sometimes giving grace is choosing something that says, “I know you,” rather than something that says, “I know you have cancer.”
Not sure what might help?
Remember who she was before breast cancer entered the picture. She's still her.
Think about what she already loves. A favorite book, hobby, game, show or activity can give her something enjoyable that has nothing to do with cancer.
Bring a little fun to her. If she can't do something she normally enjoys, think about whether there's a way to bring a version of it home.
Remind her of ordinary life. Talk about the things you've always talked about. Send the funny text. Share the neighborhood story. Let every conversation not be about how she's feeling.
Make it personal. Think about an inside joke, a shared memory or something that says, “I know you,” rather than “I know you have breast cancer.”
Let her just be herself.
Cancer can quickly become the center of everything. Sometimes one of the kindest things you can do is give her a few minutes, an afternoon or even just a conversation where it isn't.
Sometimes giving grace is reminding her that she is so much more than what she's going through.